I've been talking to Max about this quite a lot lately. Mostly, because we consider ourselves so lucky to have fond each other! I will try to summarize some of the things we talked about below, just keep in mind that those are our opinions - not laws that we intend to push on you - if you feel different about it in any way you can comment and share your opinion or just think 'weirdos' to yourself.
1. You are purely and utterly in love
You might be losing your appetite, not being able to sleep, you might wanna run down the street and shout out that you're in love, or hide in your bedroom and stare at the phone for hours until HE/SHE finally texts you back. Those are good signs that you miiiight be in love. What's important is, don't lie to yourself. Don't force feelings on yourself that are just not there. It takes some people a while to fall for someone, while some people fall right away (I'm looking at you Max :D). I remember myself wanting to scream out that I loved Max before we ever 'officially' said it to each other. I think that's the feeling your supposed to have :)
2. You're in love with yourself more than with the other person
I know it sounds weird, but you have to protect yourself! If you're in love but your partner is hurting you - physically and/or emotionally - you have to get out of that situation. That is NOT the right person for you, nor will they ever be. Who hurt you once destroyed not only trust but also proved that they don't care for you as much as they should!
If you need help getting out of an abusive relationship visit loveisrespect.org. You can also message us, but we are no professionals and can only be there as friends. You are not alone! We've been there too!
3. You don't have secret doubts
Max and I have both been in relationships in which we
knew something wasn't quite right and it turned out it wasn't. I've actually been in a situation before where I got together with someone and even remember thinking 'I don't really want this, it doesn't feel right' - but I just lied to myself and tried to ignore those feelings throughout the whole relationship. Mostly, those doubts come from insecurities about whether you are, in fact, compatible or not. If you have to tell yourself that all those flaws that your partner has will probably go away and he/she will
change soon - you should probably move on.
Max and I both realized how we were lying to ourselves when it came to our ex partners. How they would (in the future) treat us better, love us more, make more time, make it official, stop hurting us etc. I think deep down inside you you know if you can see a future that makes you happy with your partner. If there's things you want to change about the other person you probably haven't found the right one yet.
For me, there is and was not one single thing about Max I would want to change. Even the things that might be annoying I really love, I just start grinning and thin 'yup, this is
my Max' ;)
4. You learn from mistakes
I'm not a big believer in changing people - but I do believe that you can learn from your mistakes and change SOME of your behavior. For instance, I'm very good at becoming creative when it comes to imagining why Max did something the way he did. Instead of asking, I used to just assume - and that was simply WRONG. It was very annoying for Max, but after a fight (I'm talking healthy fighting here - no yelling, no throwing things, a simple discussion with maaaaybe a hint of blame here and there) I just kept asking him about every single thing he said just to make sure I understood where he was coming from. That way I tried to make sure I would be able to recognize and deal with a situation like that better next time.
5. You trust each other
I get a lot of people asking me if I'm afraid that Max is cheating on me or doing naughty things back home and the answer is NOOOO. Never. I trust my husband a million percent. I know him. And to be honest, I worry far more about if his planes are gonna make it back home without shattering on the earth, whether the roads are to icy for him to drive on, or armageddon (I seriously worry about all those things though). If I had to worry about Max wanting other women I don't think we would be right for each other - especially considering the long distance thing right now. It would also be the cause of a lot of trouble and doubts and that is not healthy in any relationship. You have to be trusting enough that your partner can hang out with their group of friends or go to the bar without you having to call every two minutes. Way too much stress on yourself and your partner!
6. You don't get sick of each other and still can do stuff apart
What I really like about our relationship is that we can be in the same room and do different things. We're not attached at each others hips all the time - and to be honest - I like way cooler tv shows than Max does and enjoy sitting in my chair, watching my show and have my husband play xbox in the same room. It gives me the weird feeling of how comfortable we are with each other. We don't have to pretend to like something we don't and at the same time are still willing to sacrifice ourselves and maybe watch something we wouldn't reeeeaaaallyyyy wanna watch by ourselves. Of course, this should not be the standard time spent together, but every once in a while - do something for yourself, go out with your friends, start learning an instrument, or put your headphones in and watch a show :)
6. You just know...
It is the weirdest thing but it is true for Max and I. For some reason, we just knew we're meant to be together. However cheesy that sounds but we never really had to talk about it - it was always a given that we would be and stay together, even after I went back to Germany. I remember Max telling me once that he was gonna be loyal to me while I'm gone. I'm pretty sure I said 'ok' and that was it. We never had doubts about our future or even had to say that we would wanna be together forever (although we did, trust me). I can see our future bright ahead and we're both on the same page about it.
If all of the above are true - congratulations - you got yourself a potential husband/wife/partner in crime - whatever you want to do. Haha, just kidding, I just like sharing our experience with things - but everyone's different and of course - opinions are different too! I hope you enjoyed this anyway :)
xx Juli
