Home

You know, being in limbo, apart from missing your lover and best friend, sometimes also means missing your home. Obviously, the worst part about that is missing my man, because he is part of what makes home home. But there's also those little things you miss about your routines or little things that really bugged you about something - which you've now come to appreciate.

Sometimes it's funny thinking about what I consider my home, just because there's plenty of places that could - in theory - be labeled "Juli's home". In theory, I got 4 houses (in Germany) that I know every aspect of. Every hidden detail, every leaking water tap. I can tell you where the tupperware is hidden in each of those households in a second. Right now, I live in my mom's living room. You might think this is what I should call my home (at least for now) - but when I think about home, I think about Max. How he asked me about everything he bought for the apartment (even before we were engaged), how we built our tv-stand together, or how I thought it was really important to have the living room wall covered in pictures of our family.

When I think of home, I think of getting up early. Each of us hiding in the bedroom when the other one would do those embarrassing moves to our workout-dvd. When I think of home I think of walking to the dollar store and spending way too much money on decoration that we didn't need. Max picking me up from a cooking class not even half a mile away. I think of stains in our carpet, washing the dishes, rearranging our furniture and lying on our rug together.

Those places that I know by heart, are all in my heart. They're filled with loved ones and lovely memories. But what you call your home is something that is not only in your heart. It's much more, it fills your whole body, there's smells, feelings, memories that give you goosebumps. It's another thing that when you found it you'll know (you just know).

I miss home!